My heart is big enough to hold your pain

The next time we meet I ask A what him what he wants from me. I ask him what he will do when I leave. I only have two weeks left, I don’t know how to help you so tell me how. A starts crying. He puts his head down. I’m sorry I say. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I keep repeating myself. I ask him to promise he won’t cry that night. I tell him I will never understand him because I can’t. He says I have become his family. I tell him I will never abandon him when I’m gone. I tell him he cannot think he is hopeless. He cannot think life is not important enough to pursue. There is only so much he can promise me. I tell him about ladders, I tell him about stars. I say you need a ladder to get to the stars. I tell him the stars are reachable, I tell him he needs a strong ladder. He is young, he is so young.

I will not forget these few nights of tears. I will never forget his talent. My heart is big enough to hold your pain I tell him. My heart is big enough. I am in so much pain. My heart is big enough, it is big enough, I tell myself.