One of the boys

I have started doing much of what the boys do. I play basketball with the boys again. I am afraid if one of them bumps into me hard enough I’ll fly against the wall. I smack into one of them. Another one glides against me, my arm is overed in his sweat. Not so gross. The ball hits my face. I pause for 2 seconds and continue. Another one tries to knock me down. They are all taller than me, the older boys. All the boys here are stronger than me. I have no upper body strength. I can carry buckets but not without water splashing out. I can shoot hoops I can snatch balls not not as aggressively as the boys. They eat three times as much in their plate as I do. Even the eight year olds. Maybe if I was here long term they could be my trainers.

I start to bond further with the younger boys. I take the small ones to the beach often, all of a sudden I become in charge of them too. Half of them speak 2 lines of English so it always becomes interesting. They start asking me everyday if we can come. I don’t swim. I just sit around, I lie down. I don’t even contemplate. I stare out into nothing. Thinking nothing. Nothing is contemplating enough. It is exact opposite of my life before. Where I thought about everything and more.